What Did I Do?!

Those of you that have been following me the last few months through cancer and subsequent foot surgery to fix some issues, you know that I've been trying hard to overcome those events with a different mind-set.  I am proud of myself these last few weeks.

My change of heart has been through a test the last 3 weeks.  My foot, while it would ache and swell marginally after a long walk, or when I tried to step it up to run, I would press on.  My stamina has increased as well as my daily desire to actually fit in some kind of workout.  I can't call it guilt, but rather a knowledge that I would feel better, mentally and physically, once I did.  It really works!!  I highly recommend it.

Every workout, whether indoors or outside, includes my iTouch, full of music that moves me:  great beats, inspirational, motivational, and fast paced.  I talk to God during my workouts.  I pray for "my babies" (children and grandchildren), my husband, and thoroughly enjoy simply being thankful to God for my health and ability to even do a workout.  He is so very faithful.  Gone are the days of my lazy workouts where I barely break a sweat, lifting a few 5 or 10 lb weights.  I work hard - really hard.  It feels really good too.

My foot, though tender, was cooperating in general until about 2 weeks ago.  I don't know what happened, but each workout ended with the foot being more sore than usual.  It would start to hurt at night when I slept - actually waking me up.  Then I tweaked it on Wednesday and felt it give.  Now it hurts almost every step of every day.  I have rounded up some old pain pills from the surgery and have had to take those to get it quieted down to even sleep.  Clearly workouts on the elliptical or treadmill are out of the question.  I'm back to only 3 pairs of shoes even fitting.  I called and setup an appointment with my foot doctor for Wednesday.  I also didn't workout Thursday thru Saturday.  It really bothered me to not fit one in. I was very active given some activities planned, but no workout at all had me bummed.

Sunday, I woke up early and decided to try a short .20 mile walk around the neighborhood to see how it would pan out.  It didn't.  I could barely make it all the way around.  Determined, I went into my workout space and decided to craft a workout that would work with my bad foot.  I did it!  I worked out about 45 minutes using weights, and got creative with my workout ball.  Yippee!

I love it that I beat down a very good excuse to not workout and found a way!  I feel like I've turned a critical corner in my journey to healthy living.

So, I don't know what I did to my foot.  I'm concerned given I need it for a variety of reasons.  I'm somewhat worried about the outcome given I have a heavy walking vacation planned for the end of summer.  This same thing happened last time I had foot surgery 10 years ago.  I ended up needing full reconstructive surgery and bone grafts and 8 months on crutches.  I'm praying hard that is not the case again here.

Pray with me.

Radiation Therapy

I've made it through 5 days of weekday radiation treatments so far.  Only 4 of them have actually been radiation treatments; the first being additional x-rays and positioning efforts.  I am going to be doing this every weekday for a minimum of six weeks.  My daily appointment is at 8:00 a.m. 

I see some of the same people here each day. I am feeling pretty lucky. The two ladies I see look like they have it much worse than I. One is probably doing chemotherapy in conjunction with the radiation therapy as she has very little hair. The other must be suffering from lung cancer as she is on heavy oxygen. Lung cancer is the #1 cancer killer for women. They are both quite a bit older than I. While this has been scary, seeing them has made me actually thankful for the situation I am in. It could have been so very much worse. But for the grace of God, go I.

The women's waiting room has lockers, three changing rooms and probably 3 dozen wall cubes for our gowns. I was assigned a cube and given a gown that will be mine for the next 6 weeks. Each day I come in and change into my gown and lock my belongings into a locker. The keys are on elasticized bracelets we wear around. I then wait until they call for me. There are magazines and a table with a puzzle. I suspect a new one will be there by Monday. There were only a few pieces remaining as of 8:00 a.m. Friday. Becuase I have the early morning appointment, I don't have a long enough wait to start working the puzzle. I would imagine that those who have late afternoon appointments get the accumulated schedule issues and have time to tinker with the puzzle.

Once I'm called into my radation room (there are several) they have me lay down and then position me on the table. Both arms go high above my head, where I grasp handles. They take 2 x-rays each day and then proceed with about 15 minutes of other positioning of the machine and actually zap me with the radiation. I swear I can feel it tingle and heat up a little. I don't know if that is just in my head or real. Hard to tell. I've already developed a pinched nerve in my left arm and it hurts like heck to put my arm up there for 20 minutes straight. It's a killer. Hopefully a chiropractic appointment or two can help set that straight.

The doctors and technicians have warned me about the burn my skin is likely to get, so I have armed myself with aloe vera and apply it regularly to help keep my skin intact as best I can. I've also been warned to expect fatigue within another week or two. They don't know what causes the fatigue, but nearly everyone who goes through radiation experiences it. That side affect does bother me. I am concerned about my job. How will I be able to keep working at the break neck speed my job requires? Thankfully my bosses are aware and say they will work with me, but it doesn't assuage my own expectations of myself. I'm prayerfully hoping I can give my own self a break. I need to just take each day at a time.

Each day I try to do something to stay active and not just sit on my butt. So far I've been walking the mall every week day. I manage about 2 miles or so each time. I'm hopeful I can keep that up forever. Once weather gets good again, I can go back to walking my neighborhood or trails here in Sumner. Doctors say that being active means I'll have a 60% better chance of NOT having a recurrance of cancer. That's better than any pill I could take. It makes it VERY worthwhile. I have to do this.

I need to be cancer free. I will survive.

Fitness Camp - Day 4 (Wednesday)

O.K., yesterday I was mistaken. I didn't die. Today I woke up dead. I can hardly move, hardly think, hardly anything.

I don't remember breakfast. I don't remember lunch or dinner either, though they are always good. I've been having a good time bonding with various ladies and we're encouraging each other to keep going. I've met Chris from the Buffalo, NY area, Mary Lou from Calgary, Juliet and Trina from Texas, and Heather from Hawaii. We seem to be congealing together as a group. There are lots of folks here that are going to stay for 2 to 8 weeks and more! There are a number of men and even some folks who don't seem like they need to lose any weight, but they love hiking and fitness in general and are zipping through the classes with ease.

Here's a typical schedule:

7:00 a.m. Breakfast
8:00 Hiking
11:30 Aquasize
12:45 Lunch
1:30 Food, exercise lecture, or cooking demo
2:30 Cardio workout
3:30 Kickboxing or pilates
4:30 Gentle stretch or yoga
5:30 Dinner
6:15 Lecture

My hike was grueling. I did the intermediate hike (they call it "moderate") and it was about 7 miles or so. The scenery was beautiful as always, but I am now part of the walking wounded. There was a section where we had to scramble down some steep, narrow passages and my knee popped. The pain was incredible. For about 10 minutes there I thought they'd have to medi-vac me out of there. Thankfully I kept walking and taking care. It slowly numbed up and the swelling helped swaddle my injured knee.

But wait! That's not all! In all the downhill scrambling, my left foot kept sliding some in my shoe and my big toe kept banging the tip of my shoe. By the end of the hike I could tell my toe was in serious danger of falling off. Sure enough, back in my room when I peeled my sock off, the toe nail was loose and I could see blood seeping out around the edges and the top. Thankfully, my beautiful pedicure hid the probable hideousness of it from the casual viewer. But I knew that serious puss-filled toe-jam was in my future if I didn't keep it clean and free of sock lint for the rest of the week.

Now I'm not sure how I'll keep up with the hiking for the next two days. I'll have to plot and scheme to figure out how to keep up with all my classes when my foot hurts so bad; oh yeah, and the knee.

They say most people "hit the wall" either Wednesday or Thursday. I think it was today. I saw a wall, hit it at a dead run and then, splat, my body slowly slithered to a lumpy mass on the floor.

Help, I've fallen, and I can't get up!

Fitness Camp - Day 3

My head hurt and my stomach was in major upheaval this morning - mostly due to the pain I think. Cathy, who is in the room next to mine, gave me a caffeine tablet that was equivalent to 1 cup of coffee. Within an hour my headache had subsided. Cool!

I thought sure I'd pass out. Today, I did the same exact hike as yesterday, and it was way harder! It has a 1000 foot elevation gain the last 2 miles, so even though the path was paved, it was hard. But I made it! 4.2 miles to the top and then back down. I was so happy I kissed the stop sign.

I did all my classes again today (if I do all the classes for the whole week, I win the "Fitness Challenge" T-Shirt).

I didn't think I'd make it, but I did...and I died.

I Thought I Died

After great soul searching this last summer, I decided that it was time to do something to really kick myself into a healthier gear. Up until about two years ago, I ate better, exercised more, and generally had my weight under control (except for the ubiquitous last 10 pounds that seems to hang around on most of us). I could point to a number of things that contributed to my spiral into this out-of-control-eat-whatever lifestyle: a couple of bouts of depression, schedule changes with my home-life that meant dinner times weren't consistent, health issues, and so on. However, those are really only excuses. I had become deeply discouraged, embarked on flagellating self-talk, and even considered plastic surgery to remove my butt.

After a few months of watching other parts of my body grow into pudgy marshmellowy lumps, I decided that I'd either better get it together or determine that I could be content being a soft and lovable pillow of mom, and someday grandmother. NOT! So I decided I needed to make some serious changes. I dug around in my closet and found my electrically charged cattle prod and started brainstorming the best ways to use it on myself. (Notice I'm still into the punishing mode).

I did a 3 week detox in Aug/Sept. What do you know! I made it through it, restrictive diet and all; I lived. While I didn't lose any weight, the nearly vegetarian diet that went with it encouraged me to take another step in the right direction. I began looking for fitness camps/spas. I started researching them on the Internet and making a list of what they offered and their program features and costs. My sister, Linda, really wanted to go with me too. Well I decided to do a quick one this fall during the one week my job could spare me. I hope to do another one this spring with her and maybe a few others I could rustle up to make it fun. I chose Fitness Ridge in St. George Utah.

I'll write in my journal entries from that week stay so you can all stay abreast of what it was like, but suffice it to say, I am still here on this planet. I truly thought I had died on day 2. On day 3, I realized I was mistaken. Day 2 was only a little taste of the pain that greeted me early in the a.m. on day 3. By day 4 though my body began to even out and I felt like I could really make it through the week just fine. Friday and Saturday were easier yet.

Now the huge monster in the corner of my mind is this: CAN I KEEP UP THE HEALTHY EATING AND EXERCISING? Of course I can't exercise 5 to 6 hours a day, but it is imperative to keep myself active and moving, particularly since my job is so sedentary. Also, winter is coming and the endless days of gray drizzle that keeps most of us indoors.

I'm going to do this. I can be healthy. I can eat right and be full. I will survive.