How do you Treat Your Lawn Ornaments?

The wind was balmy and the trees swaying in a light breeze. The breeze really helps the 80 degree heat seem very tolerable. Ahh, this is the life. My new backyard is done and I'm sitting in my lounger on the new patio next to my new water feature...

Suddenly I'm awakened by a doorbell and my little dog, Trevi, bounces out of the room barking shrilly, totally ensuring I am fully awakened out of my night time slumber. Darn. It was a good dream. 12:15!! Who on earth would be ringing my doorbell at this hour? I finally get my arms into my robe after about the third try and manage to tie the sash by the time I'm about half way down the stairs. Then the thought hits me. Do I really want to open the door at midnight? Who would be on the other side? Being that James is now working a night job, it's up to me to figure out how I want to handle this perplexing situation. The peephole provides no clues. No one is there. But I do see a Sumner police vehicle outside. Ah, it must be safe I figure, and I open the door. Still no one is there. There are TWO Sumner police vehicles in our little neighborhood. After standing there in my stylish Cat in the Hat pajama pants, Roma T-shirt, and pink robe for a few minutes, the policemen walked around the corner.

Turns out PETLO (People for Ethical Treatment of Lawn Ornaments) struck our neighborhood. Apparently the police received a call from one of the neighbors that someone made off with a lawn ornament. The neighbor gave hot pursuit to the perp while phoning the police. They were there now trying to figure out which house was missing the important artifact. I do have a concrete lion (was originally a headstone a few houses ago for a dear cat) in the backyard. We all traipsed through the house to the back patio where the cops shone their lights all over. Nope, not me. Lions is still in my unfinished backyard near a big pile of dirt. Hmmm... the police thought sure the neighbor had described my house as the target. They made off into the night checking other homes and generally scoping out the area.

I went back to bed very satisfied. Sumner is at the ready for every situation. We scored two police for the lawn ornament crime.

I fell asleep not knowing if the wayward ornament had been found. Was it PETLO? Or, like the Roaming Gnome, did it simply decide Sumner didn't have enough to offer and pack up for an adventure?

Now, back to that dream...


Turns out the ornament stolen was a 3' plastic "SLOW CHILDREN" sign/marker that sits on our corner. You've seen them; they look like little yellow crossing guards. While we don't want to admit we have slow children on our block, it has generally been felt that it did present the appropriate cautionary communication to all drivers venturing into our neighborhood. Our police-wanna-be neighbor, that went chasing after the thief, did get a license number, so it is just a matter of time before it is back in its rightful place.

The big question? Why would anyone want to take that sign, thereby admitting they have slow children?


Linda Ridley said...

To answer your BIG question - the same people who thought a rooster in a a residential neighborhod was a good idea.

Kat said...

That IS weird!

Jack said...

Well, it is now 3 days after this horrific crime and the crossing guard "ornament" is still not back "home" across the street. I suppose Sumner's finest have apprehended the perp and are holding the sign as evidence for an upcoming trial. Question: Will we ever see this crossing guard faithfully discharging its appointed duties again?