Say "Bye Bye" to the Shock

The last 24 hours were better. I think the shock and fear are starting to settle down some. The fear is still there, but more like a stalker waiting in the shadows; annoying and troublesome and something I'm going to have to deal with more permanently at some point. The "restraining order" put out by dozens of people who are praying for me keeps that devilish fear away from my minute-by-minute thoughts.

Tomorrow looms large. My surgery is at 8:00 a.m., though I have to show up at 7:00 for some pre-tests, dye injections, and the like. I hope to be home around 2 or so. I most likely will sleep for the following 24 hours.

The analytical side of me sprang to life yesterday. I called the doctor and had him fax me my pathology report from the biopsy (about 10 days ago). Nearly everything was gobbledy gook to me except for the word cancer, so I hit the internet to find out what they all meant. There are Nottingham grades, Bloom-Richardsom scores, and mitonic rates, and more. Whew. I sure don't know anything yet. I most definitely have to get myself educated. I know I'm sure getting lots of information from family and friends on vitamin, mineral, herbal cures, books to read, websites, doctors, and the like. I hope to read through most of them, digest them, and make sound judgements and decisions on my health armed with all this information.

One thing that has amazed me is the huge outpouring of support, encouragement and prayer from my friends. Some of them are people I haven't talked to in years (I guess I can thank Facebook for that. I have been able to re-connect to dozens and dozens of precious friends from years ago that are now standing with me.) That has turned out to be a big blessing. It has surprised me the ones that respond are many times not the ones I would have expected. It sure helps my heart feel warm. I most certainly do not feel alone.

My family has also really rallied around me. They all come close. I get LOTS of hugs, phone calls, and emails that are warm and full of offers of support. I still don't really know how to let them help yet, hopefully that will come. But I am beyond appreciative of the warmth and love they've extended. I feel very cushioned in their care. I have a great family.

Thank you everyone for being here with me. I love you all.